Collectivist Perspectives
Therapy can be a daunting concept. The undertaking of piecing all that you are, laying them bare, and asking “Is this okay?” It is a vulnerable position, sometimes it can feel more intimate than the relationship with your gyno and they’ve seen everything. But the doctor is judging you based on physical anatomy and symptoms, therapy is exploring who you are. And that is a lot more personal. Showing who you are only gets more intimidating when you fear for not only the judgement of you, but your culture. The people and scaffolding that built us up to who we are today. Now we are not only protecting ourselves, but our loved ones.
Most often the judgement of collectivist cultures in therapy shows up in how we manage our relationships. Yeah, your auntie is getting under your skin, but it isn’t always an option to “cut out the relationships that don’t serve you.” It just isn’t an option. There is a weaving of the delicate tapestry that makes up our lives. And those threads cannot simply be discarded or the tapestry may unravel. It can feel insensitive and judgemental for a therapist to tell you to just remove yourself from the relationship. American culture prioritizes the individual, while other cultures prioritize the collective. We don’t have to completely assimilate to be happy. That isn’t sustainable or realistic. It needs to be understood that relationships are connected to each other. It might harm the relationship with your culture, community, and family. I feel that mainstream therapy often misses this point. Because one relationship is upsetting you, doesn’t mean you should be punished in other aspects of your life. I believe there is a way to manage these connections without simply ending them.
Every person and culture is going to be different. How you decide to navigate these relationships is ultimately up to you and the expectations of your culture. Keep this in mind here are some aspects to consider:
A boundaried relationship doesn’t mean an ended relationship.
Although an individualist may advocate for severing toxic relationships, the collectivist understands that relationships are not simplistic. However, we do need to protect ourselves. Adjustments made through boundaries may change the relationship, so that the connection can endure. This provided a sustainable alternative to the opposition of ending relationships.
Respecting your elders doesn’t mean being a doormat.
It isn’t uncommon to hear the narrative of respecting our elders as a rule, not a suggestion. However, respect means to consider and appreciate. This does not mean we have to blindly listen to our elders. Rather we can take our elders’ stories and advice to heart, but not as an instruction manual. We can take their advice and interpret it in the way that may make the most sense to us and our lives.
You are also a part of the community.
Ultimately we are also a part of the community. You are not meant to only serve your community, but engage with it. The role you provide to your community means you are in relation with your community. A relationship requires give and take. Otherwise it is only servitude. Sometimes the change begins with one, but it can benefit all. We do not have to abandon our community or ourselves. There doesn’t have to be a winner or loser. Adjustments and growth are allowed. Stagnation inhibits floushment. Inflexibility breeds breakage. Community is a precious resource that is infinite. Sustainability comes from adaptability.
